BUILDING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

I believe that you learnt a lot reading my last blog post on "WHY ALWAYS ME?". I would be doing a serious of post on Relationship as i believe that its key to living a great life. Building a healthy relationship is one of my favourite blog post and i believe that just as it as helped a lot of people with their relationship it can also do the same for you.
Yes it is true: two becomes one, but how come you still have your individual bodies? How come you have not been fused together?

It might sometimes get overbearing if a spouse in a relationship feels that he or she is losing their personal individualities. We must understand that we all have different interests and that interests differ. Do not; because of your relationship now deprive the other party from enjoying their interests.

You have to understand that your spouse had a life of his/her own before entering the relationship with you. So you should expect them to have there unique Idiosyncrasy. And not only that, you have to understand that they have a right to enjoy their interests.

I remembered one incident sometime ago which illustrates how we sometimes miss-handle difference in interests.
It was a particular Saturday. I was in my girl-friends place. Man-U and Arsenal were to have a match so I decided against going to hang out with the boys but to stay over and watch the march. Since I enjoy soccer so much I did not want to miss the encounter

So there I was enjoying every bit of the game. seated in her living room watching the game.
Finally the match ended. Only then did I discover that my girlfriend did not like the fact that I was engrossed with the game. She suddenly turned cold and started brooding
She was like: "and so now that you have finished watching your game….". It made me feel guilty and at the same time annoyed.
Look can't I enjoy what I love? Just because I am in a relationship do I now have to sacrifice my interests, my desires because you happen not to like that which I like?
I have a right to my individual interest. So what do I have as a result of enjoying my passion? I asked, An angry and sulking spouse?

Most of the time, negative tension arises as in my case because someone gets angry because someone else is expressing his passions which the offended person does not like.
This actually should not be so if we understand that there is a need for space in a relationship. This will not be the case if we are of the understanding that our spouses are peculiar and have a right to their interests.

imagine that my girl-friend did not get annoyed to start acting irritably because I was watching the game, and instead she got me popcorn and a bottle of soft drink and told me to enjoy the match while she goes upstairs to write some reports (since football is not a game she so much appreciates).

Imagine how that will make me feel. I will appreciate she understands what I like and since this particular things does not tickle her fancy, she will rather give me the space that I want to have my fun.

After the match I will be in a better position to want to talk. I suppose this is better than having to calm an angry spouse.

In the same vain, it will be very wrong of me if I insist that she watch the match with me. And if she declines, it will be absolutely wrong if I then get irritated and start saying stuffs like: “I just don’t understand why you don’t like the game. It’s so interesting how come you don’t get it? What then do you enjoy?”

If I say this, it means I am not talking with the understanding that she has her own peculiar interest and our interest might necessary not be the same. Also it means that I don’t respect her right to have her likes and dislikes.

This is totally wrong.
We must come to realize, accept and appreciate the differences in our spouse for us to have a smooth relationship lest we just keep creating negative tension.

So if your spouse has a hobby of collecting antiques and you just seem not to get it,

Don’t get irritated.

Or your spouse is an avid reader while you can barely get through the first chapter of a novel. And you wonder what she sees in all those books.

Relax. Don’t get pissed. She is different.
Learn to understand your peculiarities; this will help in maintaining a healthy relationship. Remember:

• That your spouse had a life before you began the relationship.
• Your spouse has his/her peculiarities and unique interests.
• That as spouses, you necessarily might not have the same interests
• Avoid being irritated by your spouses interests
• Give your spouse space to enjoy her uniqueness: respect her rights to have her own interests.
• Don’t force your spouse to share your interests
• Don’t get irritated because your spouse does not share your interest.

There you have it. Have a lovely time in your relationships. Good luck

Watch out for more notes on RELATIONSHIP AND PURPOSE